Scenes unlimited!
Our hero, Tarun Mahalingam (TM) works for a reputed software firm, which provides software solution to clients located in the US. He is a Team Member (TM) and part of the offshore component of the team that works out of Chennai. TM is very sincere with his work. At the same time he sneaks out and refrains from coming to office during weekends (attributed to the mock CATs that he takes every Sunday ;)). For which he has had to kill many of his already dead grandparents, in turn he would get sympathies from his project leader (PL). TM, never had a problem making a sad face in front of his PL. But, usually the reason would be attributed to the fact that TM failed to clear cut-off in the DI section of his mock CAT paper.
TM’s project leader, Prasanna Lakshminarayana (PL) is a family man. He is very good at delegating work to others (this includes even PL activities, like project management, time-sheets, metrics etc ;)). Out of the 8 hrs that he spends in office, 5 would be spent over the office phone at his desk. His conversation over phone would usually be about selection of baby oil for his 3 month old son or an intense discussion with the share broker @ Karvy about the fall in the price of India Cements stock. In the remaining 3 hr, PL would use 60 mins for a team meeting and assign tasks to TM and other members of the team (often using the clause EOD). An hour is dedicated to coffee and kadalai session with his office love (kadalai mittai, KM), Kalaichelvi Madhavan (KM was PLs batchmate during his ILP – training days). Blistering heavens…1 more hr in office….what shall we make our PL do? A PL is incomplete if we don’t make him attend meetings. Incidentally, the meeting that PL had today with all the PLs was to discuss the incapability of their TMs ;).
Our TM’s team has an onsite reflection. Oosai Chandrashekar (OC) is the onsite coordinator(OC) of TM’s team. Its pretty common of OC to ask TM to deliver a baby in 1 month. If you thought that was tough, he expected TM to give birth to twins in the same time frame.
Telecon
It was a tradition of TMs team to have a telecom every Thursday with the onsite team. OC would usually be coordinating the telecon.
OC: Hello PL. How r u? (Its customary to say some nice opening words before the savage events begin. Its called the calm before the storm).
PL: I’m fine OC. How r u? I read your article on GOLTIMATIX. It was very informative and extremely well written. (PL tries these ice vechifyin things with OC, hoping for a smooth telecon).
OC: Ok PL….can we go ahead with the list of pending tasks at offshore. We can discuss GOLTIMATIX posts offline.
PL: Sure OC! Please hold on!
PL to TM: TM, please update the status of tasks that you are working on to OC.
TM: Hi OC …. This is TM. Currently I am consolidating the list of tasks and assigning tasks to all members of the team in GOLTIMATIX.
{PL frowns. Gives TM a perplexed look. }
OC: I see! TM how does this task help me? Can I tell the clients that we are assigning tasks to TMs @ offshore.
TM {looks @ PL with a puzzled look and whispers to PL}: Err…PL…you assigned this activity to me……
PL: No OC, actually this is just a background task that PL is performing. Infact, I have already assigned tasks and TM has been asked to review the tasks without effecting his routine work.
{TM gives a completely surprised look to his PL. When the hell did PL complete the task. Sabhi activities to woh mujhe delegate karta hai. Does he even know how to assign tasks to TMs in GOLTIMATIX.}
OC: I see! PL, I don’t want to interfere in the way you assign tasks to your TMs. All I am bothered about is output from the offshore team. The clients are looking for more VALUE ADDITION from the offshore team. They are becoming more and more demanding. We need to show them some results immediately PL.
PL: No problem OC. Our team is already ready with 2 prototypes of possible enhancements to the application. TM will do a sanity check and send it to you by EOD.
TM: ??? (thinks: what the hell is this enhancement all about).
OC: Ok PL! I hope it is a worthwhile enhancement and will not require and rework. The deliverables that you had delivered last weeks were of very poor quality. I had to redo the whole thing here.
PL: OC….I assure you that these deliverables would have zero defects.
{TM is more surprised}
OC: Ok PL I trust you on this one. What is the status of the data migration task.
PL {surprised at the question….looks puzzled….enquires his TMs}: Who is working on this data migration task?
TM {whispers to PL}: PL…we don’t have knowledge about this kind of data migration. We have not started working on it.
PL {thinking ….}
OC: Hello PL….r u there?
PL: Yes OC…we are here. I am just discussing with my status of this activity.
{PL thinks for some more time and then…..}
PL: OC … we are nearing the completion of this task….
{All TMs are taken aback. TM thinking: How on earth does he manage to get all activities completed without his knowledge? Is he outsourcing all the tasks somewhere else?}
OC: Good! So can I expect the deliverable by today EOD?
PL: aahh….OC…as I said we are almost done, but due to lack of knowledge here at offshore, the payment module and billing module are still pending.
OC {raising his voice}: Whaaaaaaaaaaat?????? The application consists of only those two modules PL. You said you have almost completed the activity. To me it seems like you haven’t done any progress on it.
PL: No OC….we have made significant progress. Its just that we need some more time. We can gather some knowledge and finish this task.
OC: PL don’t give this crap to me about gathering knowledge. What the f*** were you doing till now?
{TM giggles out}
{PL gives TM that unna-appraisal-le-pathukkuren look}
OC: We were giving knowledge transition from here for the past 2 weeks and now you tell me that you don’t have knowledge @ offshore. I am totally irritated with this non-sense. Is the PM (project manager) around there? I need to talk to him.
PL: No OC…we can….err…
OC: Cut the crap PL. Will you connect me to PM right now.
PL: OC…PM is not @ his desk.
OC: Ok PL …I am calling off this telecom right now. I really don’t see any point in proceeding further. {hangs up}
{All TMs are stunned at this reaction of OC.}
PL {to TMs}: What are you looking at?? Do you realize how much I am suffering. I put in all the hard-work and you guys spoil all of that in a place like this.
{TMs not able to control their smile}
PL {to TM}: And you….what the hell did you laugh for? Couldn’t you have taken care of this thing.
TM: I tried to get some information about data migration from the net. But, our case is a special one and we need more knowledge on the same to proceed.
PL: Like hell. Do you want me to spoon feed everything to you?
TM: But, you never assigned that task to me. It was meant to be handled by Sapna(another TM – a cute looking girl and a new entrant, who had done some jadu over PL) , to whom you have given one week leave to go and attend her pet lizard’s funeral.
PL: Ofcourse…err…but you could have always asked me the status of the task.
TM: I am not the PL. U R!!!
{PL turns away in shame}
{after telecon TMs go for coffee….one TM comments….innikku namma thalaivaru sankku aruthutaaru OC…laughs}
{OC sends a mail to PL … I want that damn task to be completed before the telecon next thursday}
{PL sends a mail to the group id ALL IN TEAM. I don’t know what shit you guyz will do. Even if it requires a naked dance in the rain, I want that f***in data migration task to be completed by EOD}
{TM reads the mail and becomes very angry. He had planned a date with his girl friend, Gayatri Filoma (GF) in the opposite office. Now he would have to cancel his date and strain there flimsy relationship further. }
{Finally the next morning, PL comes to office and finds TM still working on his PC}
PL: Has that data migration task been completed?
TM: Yes. Its almost done.
PL: Good. What time did you leave yesterday night?
TM: I did not leave PL. I haven’t batted an eyelid the whole of last night.
PL: Oh Christ! Why the hell do you work so much?
{TM wonders the PLs reaction had he not completed the work…and smiles at PL}
TM: Its ok PL. I like rescuing other people when they fall into bottomless pits.
PL: What????
TM: err…I meant I helped my TMs in getting this thing done.
PL: Thanks TM. Due to your LITTLE bit of effort I will be able to attach some meaning to all the hard work that I have been doing.
{TM smiles….}
TM: But PL. We haven’t reviewed the code.
PL: We have to deliver the code today. We don’t have time to do review.
{The data migration delivery is made on the same day. Ofcourse, the PL hogs the limelight by indicating the short duration within which he got the task completed.}
{Its Thursday morning…two major screw-ups have happened in the data migration code that was sent to onsite last week.}
{PL knows that its goin to be tough to handle OC @ the telecon the same evening. He thinks about it for a while and then gets an idea.}
{Its 6 PM. Exactly 30 mins to go for the telecon.}
{PL goes to TM’s desk}
PL: TM, I have to go to nilgiris super market to buy sandalwood powder for my wife. So please take care of the telecon today!
TM: ?????
